I'm So Glad Your Job is "Exciting"

I don’t care that you think this is an “exciting time” and I care even less if you think that sharing that opinion is an appropriate response to people losing their basic human rights.

I get it, being a journalist right now is exhilarating. It’s thrilling to be able to report on a story as big as the overturn of Roe v Wade and be the first on the scene at a protest. It’s exciting to capture the perfect press photo that will live on for ages.

It’s also exhausting knowing that to some, my loss of bodily autonomy is just an article to add to a resume. It’s heartbreaking to hear the cries of women who are in more danger now than ever and think that some people only hear a soundbite. It’s painful to know that some people only care about how this moment in history will advance their career.

But I get it, it’s an exciting time to be in a newsroom.

I read a tweet the other day by a girl who said that and as a journalist and as a woman I was overcome with a lot of feelings. One hand I can resonate, history is happening around us in this moment and we are the vessel to get information to the people and to preserve history as it happened. But at the same time, I don’t think I need the lives of millions of people to be impacted in order to tell a good story.

I don’t need women and people who can get pregnant across a country to lose their reproductive rights in order to think I’m doing my job well. I want to be a journalist because I want to bring a voice to the people and I want to seek out the stories that no one hears. I don’t want to sit around waiting for the next disaster to happen in order to find my job exciting.

I don’t care that you think the death of women is exciting. I don’t care that you think the trigger laws put in place to oppress people who can get pregnant is cool. And I certainly don’t care that you have announced that you care more about how the loss of human rights makes your job “cooler.”

Why I Fear Being Pregnant

tw: mental illness, abortion, suicide, eating disorders

“Treating pregnant women with bipolar disorder is among the most challenging clinical endeavors.”

I was doing some research to write this piece because I knew that if I were to get pregnant I would be facing 9 months of hell, but that statement, “Treating pregnant women with bipolar disorder is among the most challenging clinical endeavors,” cut like a knife into me.

I have been adamant about not wanting children since I was at least 14. Every time someone asked me about it or the topic was brought up in conversation—which is odd that topic would even be prompted to a minor—I gave one of various reasons I had. One of the first reasons I started to hate the idea of giving birth was that childbirth itself terrified me. I read somewhere when I was younger about the mortality rate of pregnant women and felt petrified with fear. That was merely the beginning of a long list of reasons why I do not want to be a mother.

I am mentally ill and I don’t want to give birth to a child knowing they could go through what I have gone through. And I don’t care about the argument around, “well if you went through it too then you can better help your child,” because I can barely keep myself together despite all of the progress I’ve made, so why would I willingly put someone into a position where I cannot sanely take care of them and provide them the proper support that doesn’t traumatize and scar them? Not to mention that women with bipolar—and women with other mental disorders as well—are often required to go off their meds during pregnancy. There have been weeks where I have gone off my meds and I have wanted nothing more than to kill myself so how does one expect me to go 9 months without them?

Women with bipolar face more risk in postpartum than women without it. I would be more at risk to fall into a psychotic episode or mania or have a more intense relapse. Even if I did fine during the 9 months I carried a child, I would not be able to be a competent mother to that child.

Not to mention the physical toll pregnancy takes on your body. As someone who has struggled with body image and eating disorders for the majority of my life, I cannot imagine how I would feel after giving birth to a child. I can’t imagine how any mother who has struggled with accepting themselves feels after giving birth.

These are just some of the reasons I do not want to get pregnant and have a chili and these are just a fraction of the reasons millions of other women do not want children. The overturning of Roe v Wade specifically hurts disabled women, poor women, minority women, and mentally ill women.

I urge you to take action if you are able to and speak up. It shouldn’t be anyone else’s business what you do with your own body. It shouldn’t be up to anyone besides you what you do. Abortion restrictions don’t make abortion disappear, they simply make them less regulated and more dangerous for women.

If you can, use this link https://abortionfunds.org/funds/ to donate. We are watching our rights be stripped away as we speak so we need to take action now.